The Parenting Moment
Your child comes home from school with eyes full of questions. A classmate’s parent has died. They’ve seen images of war on a screen somewhere. A beloved pet is gone, and the silence in the house feels enormous. They look up at you and ask the question that stops every parent cold: “Why does God let bad things happen?” You open your mouth — and you realise you don’t have a tidy answer. Talking to kids about suffering is one of the most tender, spiritually weighty conversations a parent can face, and the pressure to say the right thing can feel overwhelming.
Biblical Foundation
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7
Notice what God does not say here. He does not tell parents to prepare a polished theological lecture. He says to talk — in ordinary moments, along the road, at the table, at bedtime. The Hebrew word for “impress” carries the idea of sharpening, of etching something deeply into a surface over time. Faith is passed on through repeated, honest, everyday conversations, not through having every answer perfectly rehearsed. The very setting God describes — walking, sitting, lying down — is messy and unscripted, just like real life with children.
This is profoundly freeing for parents. Scripture does not call you to be your child’s systematic theologian. It calls you to be their faithful companion on the road, pointing them towards Jesus at every turn. When your child faces grief, confusion, or fear, your honest “I don’t fully know, but I trust God” is not a failure of faith — it is one of the most spiritually formative things you can model. Children are remarkably perceptive. They will learn far more from watching a parent hold uncertainty with grace than from a rehearsed answer that glosses over real pain.
Practical Wisdom
- Validate before you explain. Before reaching for any theological framework, sit with your child in their emotion. Jesus wept at Lazarus’s tomb (John 11:35) even though he knew exactly what was about to happen. Let your child see that grief is not a sign of weak faith — it is a deeply human, God-given response to a broken world. Say simply: “It’s okay to be sad about this. I’m sad too.”
- Use age-appropriate language without minimising the pain. For younger children (ages 4–7), keep it concrete: “Sometimes really hard things happen in our world because it is broken, but Jesus came to fix it.” For older children and teenagers, you can introduce more nuance: suffering entered the world through sin (Romans 8:20-22), Jesus entered into our suffering (Isaiah 53:3), and one day He will make everything new (Revelation 21:4). Never rush past the pain to get to the theology.
- Use these three conversation-starting phrases rooted in Scripture. First: “I don’t have all the answers, but I know God does — and He is good.” (Psalm 34:8). This names your own limitation honestly and anchors trust in God’s character rather than your own certainty. Second: “Jesus knows what it feels like to hurt.” (Hebrews 4:15). This phrase is transformative for children because it makes Jesus accessible — not a distant deity, but a Saviour who has wept. Third: “This is not the end of the story.” (Romans 8:28). Hope is not denial. This phrase gently opens the door to resurrection hope without dismissing present pain.
- Pray together in the moment. Don’t wait until bedtime prayers. When your child is hurting and the question is raw, stop and pray right there. Keep it simple and honest — even “Jesus, we don’t understand this, but we trust You” is a powerful prayer for a child to hear their parent pray. It teaches them that God is approachable in the middle of confusion, not just in polished Sunday-morning moments.
- Return to the conversation. One talk is rarely enough. Deuteronomy 6 describes an ongoing, woven-through-life pattern of faith formation. Check back in with your child a few days later. Ask how they are feeling about it now. Let them see that hard questions don’t have to be resolved quickly — they can be carried together, over time, in the presence of a trustworthy God.
Encouragement for Parents
You do not need to have all the answers to be exactly the parent your child needs. In fact, your willingness to sit in the tension with them — to say “I’m not sure, but let’s bring this to God together” — teaches them something no theology textbook can: that faith is not fragile. It can hold questions. It can hold grief. It bends but does not break because it is rooted not in human certainty but in the living Jesus, who is the same yesterday, today, and for ever (Hebrews 13:8). The fact that you are searching for the right words is itself an act of love, and God sees it.
Be encouraged: God did not place your children in a perfect parent’s home. He placed them in yours, on purpose, knowing your limitations. His grace fills the gaps your answers cannot. Every imperfect, honest conversation you have about suffering is a stone laid in the foundation of your child’s faith — a faith that will one day sustain them in seasons you will not be there to navigate with them. Keep talking. Keep walking. Keep pointing to Jesus.
Family Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You that You are not afraid of our questions. When our children face pain, confusion, and grief, help us as parents to sit with them before we speak, to point them to Jesus before we point them to answers, and to trust that Your Spirit is at work even in the conversations we feel we got wrong. Give us wisdom that is gentle and honest. Remind us that You love our children even more than we do. May our homes be places where faith grows not through easy answers, but through real trust in You. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
If this post encouraged you, share it with another parent who needs it today — and take a moment to leave a comment below. What conversation have you had with your child about suffering that surprised you? We’d love to hear from you.